Originally published September 23, 2014. Substantially reviewed and updated September 6, 2026 using current North Carolina statutes and Judicial Branch guidance.

North Carolina divorce is not granted because one spouse was at fault

The North Carolina Judicial Branch explains that an absolute divorce is generally available only after spouses have lived in separate homes for at least one year and a day, with at least one spouse intending the separation to be permanent. Either spouse must also satisfy the state’s residency requirement. Proof of adultery does not eliminate those requirements.

Do not confuse the divorce judgment with related claims. An absolute divorce ends the marriage, while alimony, equitable distribution, custody, child support, and third-party tort claims have different elements and deadlines. Some financial rights can be lost if they are not asserted before the divorce judgment. Review the full claim map before filing a “simple” divorce.

How infidelity can affect alimony

North Carolina General Statute 50-16.1A defines “illicit sexual behavior” for spousal-support law. Under G.S. 50-16.3A, if a dependent spouse engaged in qualifying behavior during the marriage and before or on the date of separation, the court generally shall not award alimony. If the supporting spouse engaged in it during that period, the statute generally requires alimony to a spouse who otherwise qualifies as dependent. If both did, entitlement becomes discretionary after the court considers all circumstances.

This is not a shortcut around the rest of the analysis. The court still must determine whether one spouse is dependent, the other is supporting, and what amount and duration are appropriate. The statute also says condoned conduct is not considered. Post-separation conduct may sometimes be used as corroborating evidence of conduct that occurred before separation.

What about custody?

North Carolina custody orders must promote the child’s interest and welfare. The court considers relevant facts affecting the child, including safety and domestic violence. An affair, standing alone, does not mechanically determine custody. Evidence becomes more relevant when it shows the child was exposed to unsafe circumstances, supervision was neglected, conflict was brought into the child’s life, or a parent’s choices materially affected stability and welfare.

Keep adult accusations away from children. Avoid asking a child to gather information, carry messages, or choose sides. Focus documentation on observable parenting facts rather than labels or moral conclusions.

Can marital money spent on an affair matter?

Potentially. Equitable distribution is a financial process distinct from alimony. Credit-card charges, trips, gifts, transfers, or hidden accounts may matter if marital funds were diverted or if they help identify assets and debts. Preserve complete financial records and let counsel analyze whether the transactions affect classification, valuation, distribution, or another claim.

Alienation of affection and criminal conversation

These are separate civil claims against a natural person, not additional grounds for absolute divorce. G.S. 52-13 provides that acts occurring after the spouses physically separate with an intent that the separation remain permanent do not give rise to these claims. It also states that an action must be commenced no more than three years after the last act giving rise to the claim.

That brief statute is not a complete statement of the common-law elements or defenses. Because the limitations period and the last actionable act can be disputed, prompt, fact-specific advice is important. A failed bill or news story proposing abolition is not the law; verify enacted statutes and current appellate decisions.

Protect evidence lawfully

• Preserve what you already may access. Save complete statements, original messages, dates, account records, and lawful screenshots without editing them.
• Do not guess passwords or bypass security. Unauthorized access can create civil, criminal, evidentiary, and strategic problems.
• Do not impersonate anyone online. Fake accounts and deceptive communications can damage credibility and create new claims.
• Get advice before recording. Audio, video, tracking, and device-monitoring laws are fact-specific, especially across state lines.
• Protect the children. Do not recruit them as investigators or expose them to intimate allegations.
• Back up financial evidence. Obtain lawful copies of tax returns, bank and credit statements, loan records, retirement statements, and household budgets.

Five decisions to make before confronting or filing

1. Identify immediate safety, housing, parenting, and cash-flow needs.
2. Learn whether separation has legally begun and what conduct could change that date.
3. Map all possible claims and deadlines before filing an absolute divorce.
4. Separate useful evidence from speculation, anger, and invasive investigation.
5. Build a communication plan that protects children and preserves credibility.

Related Adkins Law resources

Legal information, not legal advice. This article gives general North Carolina information and does not create an attorney-client relationship. Outcomes depend on admissible evidence, timing, procedural posture, and individual facts.